When the Smurf did I step on a pigeon?Take note of what I just did right there, kiddies. That’s a very legit literary technique. I’m not sure what it’s called but the idea (well, my knowledge of the idea anyway) stems from Mick Foley’s autobiography Have a Nice Day! (which is quite possibly my favorite book ever). The opening line to his book is something along the lines of, “I can’t believe I lost my [smurf]ing ear!” The concepto behind this is to instantly draw the reader into the author’s world and engross said person immediately.
When the Smurf did I step on a pigeon?As per usual in that horrible business class that I partake in here, I’d crossed my legs (you know, like in a figure four kind of manner) in order to work on my hip flexibility a bit. As such, I noticed right away that on the bottom of my right shoe there was some sort of feather that was sticking to said zapato thanks to some sort of substance that I couldn’t properly identify. I’m not lying to you when I say that that’s exactly what I thought originally. Of course, I meant it jokingly (yeah, I joke to myself, and hence, I randomly laugh a lot too. I’m not crazy, I’m just easily entertained.) as I was pretty sure that I did not, in fact, step on a pigeon. That seems like something I'd remember. Although, I have been doing a lot of smack lately.
Although, those birds are quite prevalent here, so it’s probably only a matter of time before I actually do trudge over the top of one. And if quantum physics has taught me anything (which it hasn’t because I know nothing of the subject except from what I’ve read on Wikipedia and such) it’s that given an infinite amount of time, all possible outcomes will transpire. And since I’m pretty sure that I’ve been in Spain since the dawn of time, eventually I do have to step on a pigeon. Ok, that doesn’t make any sense. Like, if there’s an actual dawn of time, that implies that infinity doesn’t go in both directions. Thus, that doesn’t necessarily mean that my stepping on a pigeon has to happen very shortly. But then again, if time is just a series of successive moments which can be broken down into an infinite amount of increments, then infinity has already occurred, is occurring right now, and will continue to occur into… well, infinity. Wait. What the FRIGG am I talking about? Let’s move on, shall we?
So yeah, due to this feather being on my shoe and the fact that this class I speak of is BORING AS CRAP, like a man at the library with a copy of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, I checked out. Honestly, I was surprised that I’d made it this far (65 seconds into the start of the actual class) while still paying attention. I say this because of the brief convo I’d just had before the class started.I had been talking to Ashley and had asked her where she was from, to which she replied, “Shakopee.” From across the room, Amanda heard this and mentioned how that was pretty close to Chaska (which is where I now assume she’s from). At this point I mentioned how much I love Chaska. This of course confused the peeps around me. Why would someone such as myself with no apparent ties to this town have this seemingly irregular affinity for it? Well, at least that’s what I imagine people we’re thinking. They most likely just wanted me to be quiet. Although, Amanda asked why. Right about here is where I broke into a short diatribe (do short diatribes exist?) about how much I friggin’ LOVE the McDonald’s in that fair city (mind you, this is all taking place in the Spanish tongue, if you will, so that just confounds the confoundment even more). In summary, everything about that place is perfect and it has some great memories attached to it. Let me tell you something, mis amigos, my first meal when I get back in 'Sotaville is going to be some double friggin' cheeseburgers. Probably three of them in fact. And you know what's the best thing about eating three double cheeseburgers? When you finish one, there's still two more. And you know what the second best thing about getting three double cheeseburgers is? They taste good. Durr.
But apparently the people of that class don’t share my obsession with this fast food chain as no one really knew how to respond, and they just seemed somewhat confused in general. My professor especially had a completely perplexed look on his face. I looked over at him and nodded my head hoping for his assent or something to that effect. But rather, he just shook his cabeza as if trying to clear it of this nonsense I was speaking. On the plus side, I’m guessing that he’s now okay with the fact that I never speak in class as he's hopefully conjured up some sort of image of my just being a complete idiot. But whatevs, he can think what he wants as long as he doesn’t ask me to give my opinion on capitalism or whatever stupid topic he’s ineffectively speaking on that day.
So I spent the rest of the class period just basically ignoring what he was trying to teach. I copied everything he wrote down on the board into my notebook, though, so I’m pretty confident that given his linguistic abilities, my writing down of the notes and not paying attention is almost certainly more effective than both taking notes AND listening. Thus, I’m going to say that this was the most productive period for that class that I’ve had to this point. So yay for me.A lot of my thoughts from this timeframe were centered around the fact that I had to register for classes later that day. At approximately exactly 3:00. Yep, sentence fragments are fine, even encouraged, in my writing. So take THAT, Ms. Church! *shakes head* So after this semester, I in theory only have three more left with somewhere between like 47 and 54 credits to take (depending on how everything works itself out). That’s between 15 2/3 and 18 per semester. A bit of a difference. Thus, I was trying to decide what type of killer I wanted my schedule for the next semester to be. Like killer good or killer bad.


The past two semesters (I wish I had a synonym for “semester” as I’m definitely overusing that word) I’ve been able to set up my schedule so I’ve only had to rock classes a couple times a week. Fall last year I no class on Monday or Friday and then last spring I was able to pull Wednesday off in addition to Monday and Friday. Tight. That makes for some hardcore Tuesdays and Thursdays, though, but it’s worth it. Now before you go about calling me a lazy bum, let me just say something. I was SOOOOO unbelievably busy that it was literally like I had class everyday. And a lot of it. Juggling homework, an absurd amount of meetings, all the Crusade-related stuff I do, TKD/training, AND a social life was nuts. I basically only slept 4 hours a night every night. But none of that matters, because there’s still something very mentally pleasing about only having class twice a week that pulls you through it all. Like I said, it’s worth it.
But the point is, I was thinking about how horrid I wanted this spring to be/how easy I wanted the following semesters to be. I know that I’m going to continue to roll with all the stuff I’d been doing in the past, and there was no doubt that some new stuff was going to happen as well (probably a job and hopefully hopefully hopefully training at another gym as well), so I needed to ponder this carefully. I was either going to rock 16 or 19 credits. Big old decision. Eventually (at around 3:00, I suppose), I decided that I was basically just going to destroy myself next semester and take the 19. This entails class from 8:15 am to 8:50 por la noche on Tuesdays and then (including the weekly Cru meeting) from 8:15 to like 10:45 on Thursdays. Epic schedule. 19 credits. 2 days a week. Good gravy I hope I don’t get smashed with like 6 midterms on one day. But whatevs, it’s all hood. Anything that happens like that has been brought on by myself.
My thoughts adventurally (as in a combination of “adventure” and “eventually” because that’s just how I do in life) shifted to the trip to the library that I’d taken that day with Danielle. She’d decided recently that she wanted to procure for herself a library card so she could get her hands on some good Spanish music. This sounded like a good idea to me, and thus, we HOLY CRAP A BIRD ALMOST JUST FLEW INTO MY ROOM!!!!!!! A pigeon, no less, it’s like they know that I’m writing about stepping on one of them… Like he just flapped his way at a crazy and loud clip toward my window (which of course is open because otherwise my presence in this room would raise the temperature to unbearable highs), got right up to it, and then figured out that this isn’t where he’s supposed to be. I guess it kind of makes sense, though, as there used to be like a hole-type area in the building across the alley from me where they would all congregate and such. Recently, that opening has been blocked off, so now they all kind of hang near that place and just basically look sad and confused. Poor little guys. Nonetheless, they needs to stay the heck up out of my room. That’s an adventure that I just don’t need on my hands at this stage in my life.
I know that like a month ago or so, a bat flew into one of the rooms here while some people were watching a movie in one of the classrooms. Erin actually killed it, though, in a fit of BAMF’ness that’s hard to describe properly. The short of it is that she was trying to direct him back out the window by scaring with her sweatshirt. Thus, she kind of snapped it at him to freak him out. Well… she did more than freak him out; she hit and killed him with the piece of apparel. Awesome. But yeah, so apparently flying creatures entering rooms here isn’t as unpossible as failing English is.
Anyways, continuing on, this sounded like a good idea to me, and thus, we both decided that after breakfast on Thursday (the day in question) we would go acquire some library cards and do it al up. This especially made me giggle because I don’t even have a library card in America Land. So yeah… I don’t go get books.So we defs hit up the biblioteca action and got ourselves some card-age without too much difficulty (outside of the snobbish librarian there. Hm… snobbish is one of those words that really describes itself. You know what I mean? Like the word “snobbish” to me actually IS snobbish. Think about it. And don’t give me none of that “But that’s true for all words” crap, because it isn’t, son.). And shortly thereafter we were searching the shelves of a Spanish library for some solid música. I must say that the collection they have in that building is pretty friggin’ stellar. You could basically rep any type of music you wanted. Spanish, English, Latin, pop, English rock, country, movie soundtracks, and even English. Err’thing you could basically desire.
Danielle and I ended up really achieving in terms of the Spanish type this day as only one of the six (allowed three a piece, we are) CD’s we checked out was as such (sarcasm). She got a Salsa mix, some Michael Bublé, and a bit of Bob Marley whereas I pulled in Stevie Wonder, The Killers, and the soundtrack from Sweeney Todd (noice!). Perhaps the next time we go to this crazy place (which can’t be later than Thursday as we can only have them for a week), we’ll get some Spanish stuff… err… maybe not… I can assure you that right now I’m more than happy listening to Johnny Depp’s surprisingly really good voice as he sings about killing people with a shaver. Mix that in with my roommate’s ridonkulously loud Darth Vader-esque breathing, and I’m good to go (one might even say that I’m g2g). Seriously, the sounds emanating from that kid at this very moment make me think that his heart is only like 4 seconds away from literally exploding. You can’t be in good shape when lying down and watching some sort of Spanish sitcom makes you out of breath. Hm… I may not be the Demon Barber of Fleet Street, but I bet I could quiet him down a bit with my electric razor… Just kidding, but seriously..

Moving on, so I decided to go for to take myself a nice little walk. Yeah, that’s an interestingly crafted sentence, I know. But it’s basically poetry in word form. Think about it… So I threw on my TKD sweatshirt (gots to rep, ya feel me?) and headed out. I was greeted by the always awesome Danika and Lauren upon my leaving of the Fund, and after an enjoyable, brief-little serenade and accompanying dance from them, I was off.
But before wandering off to the tree-age, I decided a nice walk along the path next to the river would serve as a solid starting point to ease into the wilderness. This little path pretty much always lends itself to my runs out here. It’s just a really pretty area. It starts with some fairly decently sized steps that lead down to an area right alongside the river. Awesomeness. The path itself varies from dirt, to sidewalk, to brief stepness, to small log-like bridge, to rocks, and probably some other crap I’m forgetting. Darn fine place. The elevation is pretty inconsistent as well, so it’s really good for optimal running.
After this nonsense, I trekked my way down to the path to walk around for a bit. Well, I didn’t actually walk around once I got there really. I found some ducks swimming around near the shore, so I just grabbed me some ground and had myself a seat. I’ve gone out duck hunting with my dad since literally like (yeah, “literally like”) kindergarten, so I’ve seen my fair share of the flying creatures, but I’ve never really just parked myself and watched them do what they do. Turns out they’re fascinating little guys. Just the manner in which they swim is enough to enthrall me. Watching their little legs paddle along is really interesting from a physiological perspective. Just like little feathered, swimming Gary Colemans. They had no issue with my being around them either. A few of them even swam right up to me to take a little gander (pun) at what I had going on. As such, I stared at these little birds for a fair amount of time before I decided that it was time to move on and head treeward.
Along my way to the Puente de San Martín (AKA the bridge that leads out of the main/casco/old school area of Toledo and into the less fortressy part of town) I walked past many a person fishing. Now I’m going to refer to this group of people as fisherman. Not in a sexist manner, mind you, but that’s just what I’m a-going to do, so if you have a problem with that… well… then… yeah, then I guess you just do.
Now from a non-Spain perspective, that doesn’t seem too out of the ordinary. However, since I basically own this town, I’m privy to all sorts of privileged information. Thus, I know that in terms of cleanliness, the Tajo River basically makes the Mississippi look like mineral water extracted from the highest, snowiest peak in all of Sweden after being blessed by all of the world’s major religious leaders and getting an endorsement from Oprah. So yeah, it’s safe to say that the Tajo’s a bit sketch.
Right before leaving my perch (another pun) after watching the ducks, I decided to dip my left hand in this sewage-water concoction just for the frigg of it. I figured that it would alter my DNA in some form another. Either I’d get some horrible space-disease, or I’d become some sort of a superhero. I figured the odds were about 50/50 overall, and as a poker player, I’ll take that chance err’time the beat go. Let me tells you, I’m waiting on proverbial pins and needles for the test results to come back from the lab to let me know exactly what irreparable damage I’ve done to myself.
But yeah, every time I go out along the river, I always see a TON of people out fishing. This just straight baffles me. I’ve never seen anyone pull a fish out of that cess pond. Ever. Which isn’t too surprising given the absurd toxicity level of it, but still, you have to wonder why people even try. Infierno, the only thing I can ever imagine being dragged out of there is something like the three-eyed fish known as “Blinky” from the classic Simpsons episode. In fact, if I were to tell you of all the mutant creatures that probably dwell in the Tajo, I assure you that you would flee from your computer in terror.
Anyways, I continued on my journey to the trees that appeared to be oh-so-far away. Of course, with all the grace of a wildebeest on crack, I decided to jack my toe into some sort of protrusion sticking out of the street that I assume was meant to slow down cars. It was actually pretty convenient, though, as I’d crunked the same toe on the opposite foot the day before whilst running. So no longer did I walk with a limp, but rather a banging strut. As such, I strutted my way along the road, up the hill, and out of the city. A steel-town man on a Saturday afternoon looking for the fight of his life. Ok… maybe not so much. I actually wasn’t limping or strutting at all. The toe smash-age damage wore off in about phi seconds, so it was all hood, but whatevs.
I’m not going to lie to you, my friends, one of the pervading thoughts in my head as I walked just off the side of the street doing my best to avoid all the refuse on the ground (which consisted of broken glass/CD’s/lightbulbs/other random objects) was, “I hope Toledo doesn’t have drive-bys.” Yeah, I know that in writing when you talk about someone’s thoughts you don’t put them in quotation marks, but I have creative license here, kiddies, so I’ll do what I want. *scoffs at you* Like, I know that the crime rate in this fair city is apparently extremely low, but you never know. I mean, I’m some dumb blonde American out walking just off a major highway on a Saturday afternoon wearing a University of Minnesota sweatshirt, so there’s probably some sort of a catalyst there…
Turns out that I didn’t get shot at. Like not even a little bit. Yay! I did have 7 cars honk at me, though. But all of them seemed to be happy about the thing. Todas las personas in the cars would just smile and wave at me. Actually made me pretty happy to know how chill the peeps be around here. You don’t get that kind of stuff in Minneapolis. Perhaps in Olivia, but of course, everyone knows me in that town, so that doesn’t really count.
I kept on walking in hopes that the wall would open up somewhere/end, and awesomely and unrelatedly enough, it wasn’t overly long until I got outside of the city limits of Toledo (heck yeah!) and was greeted by a little opening-kind-of-thing that went underneath the highway and appeared to go all the way through to the other side. I paused briefly here and stared at it. Obviously, I mean I just described it for you (albeit poorly), so I clearly had to take at least a quick peek at it. Dumb. Sorry for wasting your time with that last statement. And that one. And that one… I pondered going through there because let’s face it, it’d just be cool to go under the street and pop out on the otro lado. But apparently better judgment kicked in, and I decided against the idea. I’m such a tool of the establishment.
At this point the time was approximately 4:41:23.56, so I was thinking that I should probably start heading back relatively soon to ensure optimal time to continue doing nothing in my room before dinner. I turned around a corner on the highway and found that the little side grass/dirt thing I’d been walking on expanded greatly in this area. Sweetness. I hiked up and around this place until I got to the highest area I could, and I took a look back toward Toledo. You know, from the outside it’s quite the pretty looking place. But yeah… from the inside, not so much. My sweet, suitemate Tom made the observation the other day (in a stroke of comedic genius), that Toledo is basically Spain’s Mankato. Think about it. It’s an hour away from the biggest city (Madrid), it’s hilly as frigg, and the town is unbelievably poorly constructed from a modern planning perspective. A nice place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there (sorry Amy and Paul!).
So yeah, I continued on my merry way until I found an area that looked suitable for wall hopping. It was only about as high as my waist, so it posed no problems at all. A bunch of cars were driving by at that point, so I just kind of sat on the wall and chilled. A looked inside to try and gave myself an idea of what was up. Firstly, there was definitely a lack of animal looking things in there. I spotted some bird hopping about and perhaps a rabbit as well. I couldn’t really tell if it was a shadow or a living creature as it was shaped like a long-ears but it stood stock-still. I quickly grew weary of staring at this creature/shadow and turned back to the highway to see that there were no cars anymore, so I dropped myself down into the reserve to take a little peak about.
No voy a mentir, the place wasn’t that impressive. There was definitely a fair amount of nice pine trees, though; I can say that much. Reminded me of home in that sense. But other than that, there was nothing. No real grass, just dirt, and certainly no animals that would be even the least bit interesting to see. I walked about this place for a short period of time, pa-sha, I even ran for a couple seconds just for the heck of it before I decided that there was no point to being in there anymore. The risk was a tad-bit higher than the reward at that juncture, so being the business guy (for some stupid reason) that I am, I knew the correct decision was to exit the area. But nonetheless, my goal of chilling in the trees had been accomplished for the day. Cool beans.
But alas, my day was not yet complete. I had to cross the street at some point in my slogging back toward Toledo, so as a gangsta, I defs had to do it in style, yo. Had to finish this walk right. So question: What’s a hood such as myself to do, you ask? Answer: dance!. Yep, I awkwardly crip walked, glided, and c-walked my way across a major Spanish highway. You know, no biggie, it’s just how I do. All day, baby, just gangstando!
And yeah, my tense usage is all screwed up in this post. I totally jump from past to present in a ton of places, but yeah… that’s just how it’s gotta be. I mean, I’m a grammar nazi, but I’m lazy first, so no way am I heading back to fix over all those errors. So y’all (and by “y’all” I mean Amy) just going to have to deal, son… err… sister…

*begin story*
“Here it goes, Erik. It’s going down. We should probably go with Carolyn just to ensure that she doesn’t die this early.”
As we continued down the trail we were startled by a noise coming from the lake to our right. I shifted my sight toward the direction of the noise. “You here that, bro?” I asked.
He shook his head at it all and got back to business with her. “Ok,” he said, “keep driving. We’re going to come to the road to get you.”
“Is he alive?” asked Tom.
*aside* THIS guy is yet ANOTHER reason why everyone hates Americans
“GO GO GO GO!!!!!!,” yelled Erik as we slammed the doors shut.
*Footnotes*

A’ight, you ready to roll with the rest this post? Nope? Ok, I’ll give you just a bit more time. *turns up “The Boys Are Back" and twiddles thumbs* Vale, now at this point I’m just going to rock the rest of this blog because I can’t even hear your laughter over the sound of Zac Efron’s and Corbin Bleu’s smooth voices. All right, maybe that was a bit much right there. My bad. Non-sequitur, let me take you into the journey behind how I became a fan of the HSM.
There we go, hopefully that makes y’all feel better. If not, here’s a pic of my being awesome that can hopefully get me back some of your respect.
So thus, last Tuesday after the awesomeness that was our weekly Salsa class (speaking of which, we be getting ready to ROCK the Fund’s talent show in a few weeks, so watch ya’selves and put on your excited hats for that), we meandered over into the Sala de Estar (or whatever the frigg that room is called where all the Puerto Ricans hang out) with Danielle’s laptop to chill and rep it up. Both the girls were pretty tired, so we only watched the first half of it, but I must say that I found myself enjoying it. And then of course we completed the film the next night at like 1:30 in the morning. Bueno.
So I was halfway to being caught up, and I was feeling pretty good about the whole situation. I caught myself several times singing “We’re Breaking Free” the next day, so you KNOW t’was mad-legit. I’m sure the entirety of this building was overjoyed to hear my fantastic voice singing the HSM soundtrack all day in the halls. Now you see what I did right there is an example of the humor technique known as “sarcasm.” My words in this situation fit the profile of this term in the manner that I (a) Don’t have the best voice and (b) the people of the Fundación actually probably weren’t thrilled to hear me. I swear sometimes that I’m a comedic genius :P
Moving on, so then on Thursday night (as opposed to going out like most do on this day) Danielle, Laura, and I stayed in to ver High School Musical 2. Again, very enjoyable film. Good songs. Good dances. Cute story. Yeah. Cute story. I said it. Step off. But wait, in our browsing of youtube after watching HSM 2, we stumbled upon a link to the third installment of the series. NO FRIGGIN’ WAY! We simply HAD to check that out.
Even after this preliminary viewing of the flick, there was still much anticipation of seeing it in theaters. I mean, c’mon, theater > Danielle’s laptop. Slighty. So Saturday afternoon we assembled our crew and headed off to the bustop for what could only be good times and victory. Our normal ensemble of Danielle, Laura, and me was joined by Colleen and Wilmer on this day. Tight.
We noticed right away that sadly we had missed the first scene of the movie, but whatevs, it was still all good as we were only a couple minutes late. We found our seats in the second row and plopped ourselves down do enjoy the rest of the movie. Ballin’. And disfrutarnos we did. The movie was mad-tight on the big screen. I was able to understand the vast majority of the whole Spanish thing that was going on, so it was all hood… or “casucha,” if you prefer. I must say, though, that it was kind of comical hearing all the characters speaking Spanish and then hearing the songs in English (as they weren’t translated), but I’m sure that only added to the experience as a whole.
The movie was to start at 3:50, but it became quite obvious to us at about 3:25 as we stood at the bustop that we weren’t going to be able to make it. So we headed back for home, grabbed some snack-age and Laura’s I-pod (fresh off downloading the HSM 3 soundtrack) and then slowly made our way to the mall in Poligono. Like yesterday, the showing didn’t start until 6, so once got there we had plenty of time to just chill, eat some ice cream, take some pics, and just basically live the dream.
Quite possibly the highlight of the night, though, for me occurred on our walk back to our place of eat/sleep/study/err’thing. This complete stoner looking individual passed us by and asked something in Spanish that I didn’t really understand. He looked like a less-than-reputable individual, so I just gave him the old standby of “I don’t speak Spanish.” Of course then he switched over to broken English, but it didn’t matter as Lily (who’s Puerto Rican and thus understands the language) denied whatever his request was. She then turned to me and explained (in Spanish, so I might be off here, but I’m pretty sure this is the gist of what she said) that the guy wanted some paper so he could roll some joints. Huh, turns out he WAS a stoner. Now I don’t know why, but for some reason I like the fact that some dude asked me if I could hook him up with such an item. Now y’all know that there’s no way that I’d ever do weed, but the whole thing just makes me smile and giggle in manner that’s reminiscent of Laura watching Troy Bolton sing and dance with Gabriella Montez in the rain on the roof of their school; bust out the Crayolas and color me “Tickled Pink.”
One would imagine that this would now be the end of my High School Musical 3 journey, but alas, you’d be incorrect on that front. Danielle, Laura, and I spent a couple hours together later that night (still Sunday, broheims) youtubing and listening to related items. And after Danielle went off to sleep for the night, Laura and I started trying to rock some of the dances from the threequel. Pretty much impossible to get that shiz down over youtube. Thankfully, she’s a former danceliner, so she’s got skillz (with a “z,” mind you, so you KNOW she’s good), so it’s going to be on her to get the choreography down and then teach me. A daunting task, indeed, but if anybody can pull that off, it’s Laura as she’s the most gangsta person I know. And yeah, it’s possible to be gangsta and enjoy HSM. It seems like a contradiction, but believe you me, it’s possible.
And most importantly, as Laura so wisely pointed out last night, singing one of these songs to someone of the opposite gender would basically make any girl putty in my hands, so yeah with that :P Here’s a little sample for ye from “Can I Have This Dance”: