Something's Rotten in the State of Toledo

A’ight, so here’s what it to right now. There’s really only one thing I’m focused on at this point. Solamente una cosa. An object of consternation so grand that it fully and wholly encompasses my entire being. Here we go. *takes moderately deep breath* The zipper to my cargo shorts fell off. Yeah, fell off. Like, what? I know that you’re thinking to yourselves right now (assuming that people actually read this thing, which is probably a bit of a stretch, but you know, optimism; right, kiddies?) that that’s a completely irrelevant and ridiculous thing to talk about. Seriously, quién cuida? Well, I’ll tell you who cares, the guy with the two thumbs *types with toes while points at self* This guy.

Ok, here’s the larger scale issue with this whole thing. I only brought like three pairs of shorts up here (and yes, I wear shorts now, in case you’re wondering). Well… that’s not entirely true. I think five actually, but two of them are athletic shorts, and you don’t really wear those around Spain as people for some reason actually try to dress moderately nice around here. I mean, I don’t particularly care, but whatevs. I should point out, though, that one of said pairs of athletic shorts doesn’t even have pockets, so there’s no way that I can really wear those outside. Anyways, point is that I only really have three pairs of shorts.

Now with the zipper having fallen off my cargos, they’re basically out of commission. I mean, guess I could get like a pin or something to hold them together, but c’mon, for realsies? I mean first, where am I going to procure a pin? Not a common item in the slightest. And second, that’s NOT an area where I’d prefer to have a sharp, pointed metallic object. But yeah, the zipper totally split within the first like hour of my wearing them the first time, but whatever, the fly still kind of stayed shut, so I continued to rock ‘em. It wasn’t until the second vez that I decided to vestirme in them that the thing just came clean off. There’s no way that one can come back from that. Like the German car, they’re Audi.

So now I’m down to dos pairs of shorts. And I’m just gonna throw this out there, it’s absurdly nice in Toledo ALL THE TIME. It’s like 80 here and sunny daily. Seriously, this place has gorgeous weather. I mean, it’s also always in like a permanent drought, but that doesn’t really affect me, so whatevs :P Anyways, so it’s pretty understandable that I would prefer to roll with the shorts. Now that I only have two, that might be a philosophy that I’m going to have to rethink. I should also point out that these surviving members of the half-pants family are of a very similar style as well. Now, not saying that I really care about style that much, but I do somewhat. You know, I can’t deck myself out in the same basic attire todos los días. Ugh. Struggles.

Granted with all this, that nothing interesting has ever happened to anyone wearing cargo shorts in the history of mankind, I was really feeling like I was going to break that trend. Like do some paleontological digs, go hunting in Africa, or carry an absurd and unnecessary amount of items in their pockets. I had plans, dag-nabbit! I HAD PLANS! And now I fear that I must say goodbye to my friends the cargos. I just as well could be in Denmark chilling in a cemetery. Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath bore me on his back athousand times, and now how abhorr'd in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Except replace “Yorick” with “pantalones cortes de cargo," “Horatio” with “The Internets,” and "He hath bore me on my back a thousand times," with "I hath bore them on my lower extremities twice." Pretty much the same exact thing. Yeah, that’s a Hamlet reference. Just trying to bring a little culture to this place :P

I literally feel like a piece of my being has been torn away, a portion of my innocence lost, and a bit my joy stolen. I seriously have no idea how one could possibly rebound from a loss such as this. I mean, I’ll probably just move on like a normal person would because it’s seriously just a pair of shorts and they’re not worth devoting an entire blog entry to, but still, you get the point.